World Bird Wednesday LXVII

Birds Ears

I was looking at today's header of the extremely well coiffured Mallard duck and it struck me, where are his ears? I suspect everyone but me already knew the answer to this. However; it didn't take me long to fill in this embarrassing knowledge gap, a birds ears are right where ours are, on the sides of their head. If you were to study portraiture, one rule you would quickly glean is that the correct North/South positioning of the human ear is the corner of the eye to the tip of the nose. Look real hard at the mallard photo and you will detect a small darkened swatch of feathers about the size of his eye at that intersection. I'm thinking the ear canal rests behind those protective feathers. I am now looking for birds ears everywhere, going over old photos trying to detect some slight deviation in the head feathers that give away its location. I have become a bird ear zealot, managing to bend every conversation toward this end: Have you ever wondered where a birds ears are? I am spreading this important information one soul at a time and I expect nearly everyone in Michigan will know the correct answer before the Mayan calender brings our world to an abrupt conclusion later this year. Sadly, some folk seem disappointed with the truth, as if they hoped birds had ears by their knees like crickets do. Don't shoot the messenger I say, it wasn't my call!

An immature Red-tailed hawk I'm guessing.

   Suddenly, a second important question entered my mind. Who, rationally speaking, has the best looking head; fishes, birds, or mammals? I would include insects, those strange invertebrates in this equation, except the unfair advantage of having over 1.2 million species more than our vertebrate families 62,000 (only 5,400 of which are mammals) makes pondering the question awkward. Besides, even I would humbly purpose that my own flesh covered coconut looks better than your average ant head. So, for purposes of discussion lets eliminate the spineless.
   Clearly, one disadvantage we mammals have when comparing our noggins with birds and fishes are those conspicuous ear flaps screwing up the headscape, about as attractive as dried apricots. If your a fan of clean, aerodynamic lines it is a deal breaker. Many times I have seen humans try to hide their ears by sweeping their hair back over them as if an Irish setter were sitting on their head with those furry hind legs pressed to each side. Even earring displays as flashy as the Hanging Gardens of Babylon don't hide the essential truth.

   Many a failed artist has turned to meat cutting as a viable trade because of the difficulty of drawing a respectable ear. Even the incomparable Van Gogh sliced off his own ear to make self portraiture easier, that's my theory. Add an unfortunately formed nose to the mess and you've got real trouble. Sure, cute little tiger faces up the average for team mammal but there's not quite enough of them to make a difference. Bronze medal.
   Okay, so it's between fish and birds for the championship. Who has the best looking head between these two? Easy. Sorry fish, but having external lungs flapping unceasingly on the sides of the head where your ears should be is hardly winsome. Silver.
   So in the end the birds have it, like there was any doubt. Gold medal!

How chillingly close is this swan image to Van Gogh's self portrait? 

    I want to say how appreciative I am to have received such high regards and genuine, heartfelt advice responding to my post last week announcing my retirement from the Detroit Fire Department. My last day is this coming Friday. Those are heavy words for me to carry. My son Josh and I will be riding Engine 23 together that last day on the job. What a rare pride I take away having such a fine young man call me Dad. We have chalked up many long nights together only to meet the next morning, smelling of smoke, for our ritual, a peaceful drive around Belle Isle clicking bird pictures. How I shall miss those blessed conversations!

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